I posted these words and pictures below back in 2012 on one of my old blogs. These words are prophetically accurate right now: I've been awake wondering if I'm 'with' my kids enough, if I've given them enough independence and if I've skilled them up enough by living as an example. Sigh. It's like I wrote it yesterday.
And at the end of it all, I still feel the same way: I still feel so grateful to Yah for this little family of ours.
Blog Post May 2012
On Saturday afternoon (our sabbath - day of rest) we decided to head out together for a little family drive. Brett had been away all of last week working on the new house so it was nice just to reconnect and have some chats and time as a family unit.
We ended up down at a lovely little spot that we've been meaning to go to for ages.
I went there quite often as a child but haven't been back in many, many years. While we were there, I watched my little family; like someone might watch us from a distance. There I looked on in awe of what Yah has been doing in our lives. People looking on would have no idea of some of the struggles or the victories we have been going through as a family, as individuals. They may not realise that I have been awake at night wondering if my kids are learning enough, should they be in school because of some of their struggles or would that make it worse for them? They may not realise that I've felt stretched beyond belief this year in every way and that I wonder about what the future holds especially for my two little peeps that sometimes struggle with the simplest of tasks. I have been awake at night with that list, you know the one, that keeps growing and growing in your head of things to do, people to call back, emails to send, cards to post, thank you letters to be written that are waaaaaay over due....the list that I just write in my head in the wee hours and then push to the side when I get up and try to just get on with the day.
I've been awake wondering if I'm 'with' my kids enough, if I've given them enough independence and if I've skilled them up enough by living as an example. I've also had moments recently where I've felt incredibly proud of where we have come as a family; how we are trying to calmly deal with situations as they arise, how we are a growing family with needs all meshing together to make beautiful memories. In the past week, I've shopped solo with 5 kids, had a great craft afternoon with our big guys, taken Zippi to a screening play group date, organized a play date with some special friends here, picked up Stass from a homeschooling first aid course, been to the doctors altogether, enjoyed a fabulous cafe outing for wedges + baby cino's and had a couple of prayer times together. Good and special times. Good relationship building stuff. And as I watched my little family on Saturday, I saw kids laughing and running, happily playing together and my heart was swollen with joy. We looked like any other family; every other family! Every family has their own story; their own unique journey. We are walking ours out with many ups and downs. Part of the reason I was so happy too was that I'd been reminded about something very special. I had been thinking about how God really cares about the big AND small things too. See, Yeshua tells me that the very hairs on my head are numbered (Luke 12:7). He cares about the sparrows and the flowers in the field and he also cares about me. About little things when I ask Him and about big stuff too. That is a great comfort to my heart. When, in years to come, I look back at these photos from a little Sabbath dip, I'm hoping I can still remember the feelings of thankfulness and joy which I felt that Saturday arvo. No matter what happens in my life I know that Yah loves and cares for me and helps me through the little and big things in my life, in our family life. He is faithful when others are not. He is dependable and gracious when I'm not. He is forgiving and merciful and that is a wonderful and incredibly precious gift. And I am very thankful for my family.
And these were the photos that I posted along with these words from that day by the river in 2012.
Hugs to you wherever you are in this journey of life. Lusi x