I've said this before but I want to write about it again.
We all have messy lives.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
The thing about the internet, about blogging, that is a real catch-22 is that I like to share but I like my privacy too. I share what I'm comfortable with strangers reading ( because let's face it, I don't know who is reading this) and in doing so, I put out there the things that are kind of easy to share. I don't put out there the hardest, messiest, most awful things. Sometimes it's a protective measure because I have learned that in opening myself up to EVERYONE, I then open myself up to ALL kinds of unwanted advice/help etc even if it comes from a good place ;)
Apart from it being a self-protective measure, it's also the fact that I understand that the internet is a place that has a long memory. If I overshare and later choose to redact that blog post or comment, that photo or anecdote, it can be reposted and shared in other places and spaces that I didn't intend for it to go. So again, self protectively, I share what I'm comfortable with others seeing, knowing, re-sharing and commenting on.
In doing that though, I understand that people sometimes see the good bits and maybe think that there aren't as many hard bits in our lives. And that's what I wanted to address and share about in a generic way here.
For the record I wanted you to know friend, that if you are experiencing brokenness, loss, heartache, hardship, sickness, pain, suffering, anxiety, financial hardship, loneliness, overwhelm, sadness, loss, death, grief, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, questioning oneself over your own self-worth and contribution, impatience, anger, second-guessing yourself, burnout, exhaustion, not feeling appreciated, feeling misunderstood and judged, feeling forgotten, lost, numb or just meh....I TOO feel that and live that at times.
You. Are. Not. Alone.
I have learned how to hold things in my hands at the same time.
Things that can co-exist.
Things like joy and grief. Things like brokenness and gratitude. Things like suffering and beauty.
I have learned that I can't change the actions or responses of others but I can change my responses and actions.
I have learned that sometimes there are no "silver linings" or "lights at the end of the tunnel" or any number of other sayings that attempt to diminish and dismiss the enormity of the crushing feelings, the job loss, the relationship that is strained or the juggling of medications for a chronic issue.
I have learned that the people I've appreciated most are the ones who empathise, sit with us and hold space. They show compassion. They know how to grieve when we grieve too. They bring hugs or meals rather than "words of wisdom". They get it.
This of course is the way that in turn we want to be towards others facing life's rollercoaster of ups and downs (especially when there are more downs than ups). We want to be with others when they are hurting. We want to hold space for them and know that we too get it because we really do.
And while I hold space in silence, there is a hope that I can't deny I cling to in my heart of hearts. It is a desire that others may say is wishful thinking but is a deep-seated hope based on the fact that other truths in my ancient scriptures have come to pass and that I have seen the Maker at work in my life - so I trust also that this will too.
The hope is that there is a world and time in which these things will be no more. The blemishes, the mess, the chaos and anarchy will all vanish and align with perfection in order, in life and in nature. I believe and hope in a day that will come in which,
He will...wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death, sorrow, pain for the old order of things has passed away. - Revelation 21:4
That day may be a long way off and maybe to you it does sound like wishful thinking but it is something that hoping for helps me to get through my everyday life in the here and now: the days that are filled with hardship that would otherwise be impossible for me to get through.
We are far from polished, from being Pinterest-perfect homeschooling pin-up people. So far from that. Every day I have kids having melt-downs, there are attitudes that need correcting (mostly mine let's be honest), I feel worn and ragged and there are excessive amounts of washing (clean and dirty) around our home. There are hurtful words that need to be apologised for, things that need to be sorted and organised, I often feel like I'm chasing my tail and trying to make sure I spend my time wisely (which again I'm often not).
So the next time you are feeling like you're the only one whose life is messy and isn't all together, please remember that you are not alone.
Alone my friend.
I'm sorry if you are having a hard time. I am praying for you and thinking of you.
Life can be messy and hopeful.
Hard and special.
Broken and brave.
I send you love today. Lusi x